I’ve been trying to come to an understanding on regret. What it is, what qualifies regret, what regrets I have, an overall application of the concept in my own life. I have often said that I do not have any regrets. To many, this seems impossible. It seems such an absurd statement. And I suppose to many it is. It all depends on our understanding of what regret is.
To not regret does not mean I believe I have never done wrong. I have done a lot of wrong. I am human, and I will readily admit mistakes I have made, things I am not proud of. To not regret also does not mean that I am not sorry for things I have done in my past. I recognize that I have hurt people. I have done things that have caused others more pain than they deserved to bear. I have, I am certain, impacted others’ lives and ways I cannot even imagine. That I do not regret does not mean that I am not sorry for this. I am. I am sorry for all the wrong I have done. For every person that I have hurt. I do not like that, and I will never be okay with that.
To me, regret stems from the possibility of time travel. Regret comes from the “If I had it to do over again” and “I wish I could change this.” And in this understanding, I can assure you that I do not regret. If I were given the chance to go back in time and change things, I would not. Yes, there are things that I wish I hadn’t done, that I wish I had done differently. But now, I am where I am because of these mistakes. I am the person I am and I live the life I live because of everything that has happened exactly how it has. I do not regret because I am happy where I am. And I think if you can look at where you are and say that you are entirely happy, you cannot regret. You cannot conceive of changes to make that can alter your present and future.
I believe in some big thing. I don’t know what. I don’t know how to explain it. But it’s big. It’s the reason things happen the way they do. It’s this sense of things are the way they are. It’s this basic aspect of life. That things turn out okay in time. That we have to have bad things happen so we can appreciate the good. That life is balanced, we just overemphasize the bad and underemphasize the good. I believe in these things that other people don’t really think about. That they don’t believe. That they don’t understand. And that, ultimately, is why I don’t regret.
Because I’m me. And I like it.