For those who have left home, those who have traveled away, those who understand having two lives in one existence. You know who you are.
It’s a constant back and forth kind of thing. Switching from who you are at home to who you are away. For me, that’s school. College. There’s different expectations, different standards, different personalities. Each has their own environment. Home challenges my patience, my ability to follow rules and procedures, my ability to fit into a life that isn’t really mine anymore. School challenges my intellect, my ability to problem-solve, my independence, my responsibility. I make the decisions and have more control of who I am and what I do. At home, I have to sort through the storage in my room. I have to readjust to a place that isn’t me anymore. My school environment grows and adapts with me. I think anyone who is away can understand this constant struggle between who we are at home and who we are away. A struggle to fit into a mold where we don’t belong while we are creating a place for ourselves elsewhere. It’s weird. To go home and see that things work perfectly fine without your presence, that there is some necessary adjusting for you to fit in. With school, you don’t really have that problem. It stops while you’re gone, and resumes when you return. So of course, school seems like your real home. Where you have friends. Where you have freedom. Where you have the life you made. There’s no denying that family is different than friends. You go home, and at first it’s great. They missed you. But then things get normal, and you miss school. You miss friends that enjoy your company all the time. Now, sure you have friends at home. But they’ve moved on with their life too. Without you in it. It’s a little difficult to find a way to readjust schedules to fit you in. It’s hard for me to leave school and go home. To leave my friends behind. And it’s hard, as well, to leave home and come back. It’s a constant string of goodbyes. Who actually likes goodbyes? Nobody in their right mind. It’s a pretty difficult balance between who you were and who you are. And it’s something that will continue. If you move away from your hometown, you’re going to have two separate lives…two separate identities. Who you are and who you were. And it’s pretty hard to manage both.